Viva la Bam's "Don Vito" Margara's Feeding Tube Removed
Vito Maraga: "I eat because I'm unhappy; I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle."
Friday, April 1, 2005 Posted: 10:59 PM EST (0359 GMT)
WESTCHESTER, PA(CNN) --
Sources close to the crew of MTV's series Viva la Bam have expressed anger over the Margara family doctor's descision to remove "Don Vito" Margara's feeding tube earlier this morning.
The family's physician, who chose to remain anonymous, said "The descision was made to remove Vito's feeding tube after a philly cheesesteak lodged itself in his windpipe, causing a swelling in his fourth layer of chin." The doctor also added her disapproval of MTV's exploitation of the title character's uncle. "Vito has a problem. Ol' Fatty McBitchtits' role as the show's laughing stock simply exacerbates America's tendency to poke fun at the obese like Vito."
MTV was not available for comment. A spokesperson for the network stated that they were busy producing a commemorative rap video for Terry Schiavo, in which R. Kelly defacates on her face.
In a telephone interview earlier today, Bam Margara's friend and co-star of Jackass Steve-O added "dude... Vito's a fat fuck, but I gotta run. I've gotta go get a wasabi colonic so I can afford to eat next week.
The news about the removal of Don Vito's feeding tube follows close on the heels of the Terry Schiavo case, in which the coma patient's parents fought a decade-and-a-half legal battle against her husband, Michael Schiavo, over the removal of the feeding tube used to prolong her life. The outcry from the religious community has been forceful, with little base in fact, and mostly irrelevant as usual.
In a statement from his hospital bed on Friday morning, Pope John Paul II said, "uhhhhhhhgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh [gurgle] aghhhhhhh, [cough], [flem noise]."
The Pope's opposition, rock singer and self-proclained "Prince of Darkness" John "Ozzy" Osbourne agreed: "I couldn't have said it better meself. Sharon, where's me fuckin' MTV sellout stipend check? Me adult diapers are a bit low."
Experts predict that Vito will survive anywhere from three weeks to six months on his 450 pounds of stored fat.
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